I laugh at some of my old posts where something is obviously going on but I don't have enough balls to just come straight out and say it. That's just the passive aggressive anger in me I guess. I don’t like to be upset, not saying that anyone likes to be upset, I just tend to really not care for it and there fore never wish to see any one round me/care for, be upset. Even if it means that I sacrifice some of my comfort or wants at the time.
I'm sitting at that impasse again and it kills a little. I'm finding myself second guessing a lot of the choices I've made and trying to see the good in them, to find the lessons and by pass any kind of regret I may harbor on the matter. With the never ending feeling of floating through life on a day to day basis, the aimlessness the feeling of there being no true path or destination in site. It’s all just survival and having to do what ever it is so you can get by, there fore giving up on ever being the master of my own density again and never reaching those ideals I had set for myself not even a year ago now.
Where do I go now? What do I do? I hate being upset and feeling useless and listless, and more than anything powerless. There are some choices in my court that can be made but the consequences behind... So not all crypticness aside but most of it, I’m lost and unhappy and frustrated as hell, day dreaming my life away at the moment because of the feeling that there is no other way I would ever be able to experience my dreams.