I fucking give up

No seriously I've had it with most of man kind. What could possible bring on this vehement feeling of detest, what else...

So I've been loosely trying the whole online dating thing... again. After my first debacle you would have thought I'd learned my lesson. Now don't get me wrong I've met some nice people via these sights made an actual friend or two out of it as well, which is always an A+ in my book, none the less, I remained incredibly skeptical of the objective of ever meeting "my one" (if ever there was such a thing) via anything like these sights. New contact, spread out my social circle, adventure, maybe a new playmate, these are about as high as my expectations ever really go. So needless to say I'm gravely disappointed with myself for ever letting down my guard for a bunch of pretty words that would appeal to any school girl, in many ways it is my own damn fault. You never realize just how much of a sucker you are for the whole romantic ideal till your face flat in the gutter with dirt on your face.

I can understand lying to a complete stranger in order to gain something, money, information, sex these things I understand... To seeming lie to a stranger just because, well I don't know, your lonely or in need of attention... It just seems like such a waste, you can get those kinds of things with out having to lie at all. (trust me I know) Well if anything this little bit of a trial has just reconfirmed my cynical and always dark pessimistic view. No matter how much I would like to believe that being a hopeless romantic will mean you will find love some day, I just can't buy into it any more. There is a reason why the word "HOPELESS" is in that turn of phrase. No that love does not exists in this day and age, at least not in the way I have it in my head. I'm pretty certain that the love that I always wanted went extinct quite some time ago... At least I have my health, family/friends and kitties, mustn't forget the kitties.

Nope just cynic

Right, not that any one really reads the effing thing any longer... I had put some words of hope down about love life things and what not, and like usual I have a feeling spoke far too soon... The cynic rears it's ugly but very logical head and starts to think about things, meany things that the optimistic eye normally over looks and that feeling in my gut is creeping up... Just too soon kids just too fucking soon. I'm going back to my kitties. Eff optimistic eyes, they always just make me wind up crying.

Feeling a bit...

Titanic,

Ya I'm on a sinking ship, again. This time it's really personal though because it's a family thing. It's scary and just fucked up and makes times really herd to try and keep my head up. I've been preparing my self any way I can, I just wish this continues shit strum would finally blow over and let me start actually living my life, instead of just existing in it.