Somthings gotta give

It's a simple little song, its been running through my head today, while thinking of all the things that seem to be hanging in the balance, teetering on some edge of a lovely free fall into the great blue, or totting back on to the heels of the tedious same ol same ol.
Needless to say change is here grumbeling in my tummy. I'm kind of every where at once, right now, feel like more than one person. The old me, scared and bitter at life, the me of today who's willing and wanting of change, and the me of tomorrow who is optimistic and hungry.

And the runner up is...

You ever see that retarded film with Dane Cook or what ever the fuck his name is (think its Dane Cook) were he's doomed to be the stepping stone guy to every girl he dates/sleeps with, on her way to finding her true love shit.... God damn if I don't feel like that guy. I'm like "the fixer". The one that everyone really cares for and loves, but not the one they fall for.

Sorry I rant I rave, its just that I've put myself there so many times (that's right in a way I blame myself). I'll be going along my merry way having fun, spinning wheels and doing what I do then something catches me off guard, and I say to myself, "self, there maybe something about this," and me being me and not liking the idea of living with, "what if's" over my head throw out the line and see what happens...

It's not a bad thing really, at least when I do it, I know, and knowing is better than walking through life not knowing. No regrets ever... But! I just got to say, I know what that Miss America runner up feels like when her name gets called. There is that moment of pride that I did it, I made it this far and my efforts where seen and heard. Still you will always see those tears of disappointment, knowing she wasn't quite what the judges where looking for.

I've been blest with the friends I have made because of these situations, I wouldn't want to trade any moment for them, but in a moment of complete self indulgents I just wanted to take this entry to say, and I quote from Huge Grand in 4 Weddings and a Funeral, "Bugger... Bugger... Bugger Bugger Bugger!"