I haven't left in the middle of the night in a long time... It was strange a lot of old memories came back, some I'm not to proud of and some more resent. One resent enough I could taste the bit of blood on the inside of my cheek again from nawing at my own flesh in anger.
All of this shit over the fact that I can't sleep. Obviously I mean I'm up at 3:50am composing random thoughts, haunting my brain, like an exorsist getting rid of demons so maybe I can sleep. Usually its the sex. Usually its being worn out physically, and I can kind of rest, the demons have been feed their pound of flesh as it were and they allow me peace. When that isn't there though writing till my eyes dry out and I can't think of the words anymore seem to be my only salvation.
I was called a player by a man, a full grown Fucking man because I was honest with him and told him I normally don't let partners sleep over, if I even let them visit my home in the first place. He heckled me and said I was cold blooded player. I wanted to kick him in the face. Please ass hole if I was playing you I never would have told you and just kept Fucking you at your place and coming up with stories of why I couldn't stay and why you can't come over. I am no longer a player. I am honest, I'm not going to hide shit from you. I'm not going to play you for my personal selfish reasons, personal vendetta, or grudges. I get the feeling that people want more than I can give and when I'm honest about that, they get pissed. I'm sorry for being honest.
So ya the demons, I think they got over ran by the "ghosts" I can never get rid of.