I have a diary that I keep. It's funny, the things I can write on a page with pen that will never see the light of day... There is so much churning in my brain. All the past starts re-playing like a old fashioned film reel in my head. Like all the old family movies that would play at Christmas, but instead of things I never knew it's all the things that I know all to well, all the things that make me question, think, reevaluate, and think some more.
I always want to try and live in the moment, enjoy the seconds that are just in front of me, but then the old voices of my parents and grandparents ring in my ears and they warn me of watching out for my future.
It is times like these that I wish I had an ear to bend. So many wonderful adoring friends that I would do anything for and would do anything for me, but at the same time, with moments like these I feel like talking would be more of burden than I would ever want to ask of any one, especially when I feel like what I have to say I already have my answer for if I just listen to my gut. I've mentioned them so many times before, my guts.
The always know best, even when I want to question them and press on.
It's one of those moments, you wish you could be the one talking instead of listening, because the voices in my my own head or just too fucking loud.