Full Circle

     I went on the last half of my journey, the begginning of a new path, and a time out for me when it comes to traveling across planes. I was shreaded and reborn the first time, I disscovered and realized the potential the second, now I am faced with the responsability of everything I have finally allowed myself to be. (fuck)

     The only way to continue to learn, is to teach. I am not ready!!! It's all I can think of. There are books and certificates for this kind of things isn't there??? I mean tests and things that you are suppose to pass before you move on to the next level? Right, I mean that's everything we are molded into when we start to grow and strech these fleshy body things. Our western socity never seems to have a place for the life lived, the experiance felt and cultivated through just walking everyday.

     I am in the midst of a foreign world. A world of privilege, a world where worrying about where your next meal will come from is not in question. Where you lay your head is not a fear to face. It is something I have dreamt about, but the few times I've been welcomed to sit in that world, I could never want it for myself. 

This mixed emotion over people "talking" of an enlightened existence, and somehow it feels like they are just buying it, from a book, a festival, a yoga class.... Not that those are bad things, they can be tge doors to what you can really find. There is no one answer there is no term or language to express. Our man made lable and boxes will never fit the infanate thats waiting. So now I am here, I moved past the fork in the road. The fork my fear and doubt created. Just as here is no spoon, there us no fork, your path is there, it is open and waiting for you if you just trust in your being.

     Coming back round full circle to my doubt's and fears revisiting them, and coming to understand now why they were there. Taking them back from the ether I placed them for safe keeping. I am not a child of light, I am not a child of dark, I am all that is silver and grey.

And now Ladies and Gentalman The Tight Rope

     It has been such an interesting journey so far, new skin, new eyes, new outlook on well.... everything. It's a constant balancing act these days of living in the now and keeping my heart open to the things that may come with every breath I am given now, and the moments where I have to still live in this plane of rat race circles. To day was one of the most beautiful examples of the tight rope act I have ever performed.

     A stumbling block or two from my past has come back to test my new disposition and it's been interesting to step back and see how I am reacting to the stresses brought to me by my previous self, (thanks self). Seeing how much easier it for me to maneuver through the test now then how I would have spazzed out to it back then. It's not night and day but just completely different.

     It's all DMV based issues, so again here is the test of duality, the tight rope feels like it gets thinner beneath the soles of my feet, almost cutting into them. The potential for the world and how it could be in my mind is so beautiful and in so many ways it exists on the plane I walk through most of these days. Then the sledge hammer of the broken concept, government, greed, money and how it's vicious bureaucratic mojo keep us all running round in circles so well, blinding us from the actual potentl, and I feel that rope make its first small slice into my foot and I begin to bleed a lil and the line get slick. The moment of fight or flight, your heart skips and you your knees almost go weak. My brain was racing where do I allow my thoughts to go, do I become distracted by the simple things of this place and let them take me back to that spazzy girl who would run and hide and let things get out of hand like they have again, or just breath and stand tall and let my body flow through the moment and keep me grounded on that line despite the little bit of pain and distraction. Did I really have to think that one through? Ya I did but only for a second.

     These fleshy bags we wonder through this plane in are such fragile clumsy things. Limited, fearful, always hungry and driven but the concepts of limited time. Its all so very limited. If only we can see past that limit daily and see the infinite that we are all connected to. It seems impossible some days as I looks down from the wire sticky and wiggly beneath my feet, swaying slightly in the wind of change. It makes my heart pump, and my breath rappied-fire from my lungs. You see your mortality below you, and you freeze and stop still, if we don't move any further and stay right where we are, we wont fall.... Fear controls every action when we look down and see only the mortal world instead of looking up and seeing the vastness of the universe and everything beyond it.