You can only blame yourself. You let your guard down and you start getting comfy with the situation then BAM! Life does what life will Which is get's all crazy, pulls the rug out from under you and your left on the floor, with a bruise on your ass the size of Texas and headache that makes you feel like your brain is going to start oozing out of your ears.
I should have told that guy off. He has no idea what I've been through, what I've been fighting for and to tell me that I'm not motivated enough, are you shitting me? There is no one single path there is no one and only solution to anything in this world and to assume anything about anyone because their ways have not coincided with your own is just blind. I've been a hairs breath away from loosing every thing I know and love for a while now. Fuck you, fuck you and Fuck you I haven't been doing my all...
I don't want a hand out I don't want to do things that others have planed out for me. That was the other lovely slap to the face this morning. When the hell did my plans get lost in the wake of someone else's, AGAIN! Oh right it's when I started working for family. Danger Will Robinson DANGER...
Then that obvious "I"m being nice, but I could really give a shit about you and what your doing" chat today. Why the fuck do I bother? I think it's almost better if a guy is just straight up rude and dismissive, at least that way I can hate their guts.
Am I too nice, am I too much of a push over? I mean seriously what the hell am I, who am I for that matter. Feel like I'm getting swept away in the nameless heard of everything. I fucking hate it, guess that's why I'm writing, why I'm still fighting as hard as I can, trying not to give up and just fall in line with what every one else would say is the safer bet. Kind of, sort of, not really. OH just fuck it all. When is this day over already?
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