Can't Sleep

I've been working that little divot back into my finger again. Think I'm trying to write out all of my demons and fears, of course with a few key strokes I seem to do the same thing just with keys instead of ink, and there is rope attached to those keys, and that rope tends to make a lovely little noose I dangling myself from. I've done that tonight, that's pry why I'm having trouble getting to sleep. Brain is racing and the information isn't compiling fast enough to fill in the spaces where all my questions have formed. It's like living in a hourglass where the sand is wet and chunky. Wow that is an uncomfortable image... Uncertainty and insecurity are the banes of my life. They create the only thing that makes me weak in this world, fear. Its my only one true down fall it makes me act irrationality. I pride myself on being a fairly clear level headed and logical minded person. So when I feel that slip I can feel the wheels turn in my guts trying to fight off all the stupid crap that's about to flood my mind and make me obsess over the stupidest shit, because of fear. I can't control it I can't seem to stop it till I just bite the bullet, grow some balls and say or ask what I need to know, at the risk of being a complete fool. That's how we learn though I'm afraid. Facing the unknown, taking the risk and very well hurting our selves because of it. I've always believed its better to know and live, then be ignorant and wonder what if the rest of my days, no matter how many cuts and bruises I pick up along the way.